drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just had sex bonerless
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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