and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize