I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
