The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My ass is underappreciated
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
