Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
