Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
