her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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