why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
