Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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