Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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