I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Jerry, you need to find god
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
