I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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