oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
