Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
