I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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