have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize