You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
