It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
