Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
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