dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
