So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Screwed.edu
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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