Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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