So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
