i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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