His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
