You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
