Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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