Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
