I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
