oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
