Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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