3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
