Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
