Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I would fuck him just for his dog
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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