whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
