i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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