The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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