it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
