I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
