Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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