i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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