i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
