Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
