im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
