he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
