so explain again why im purple
no
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
