yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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