I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
