I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
