I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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