I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
