Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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