it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
