I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
