every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
