Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just high enough for therapy.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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