Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
