my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
50% drunk capacity currently
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
