Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
