he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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