So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
