Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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