ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
