The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
