I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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