if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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