I need help removing her.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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