I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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