1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
