I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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